eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
