Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
This house was built for laser tag.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
