Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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