end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
