I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
