what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
