Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
This is my gift to your gina
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
