I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
