We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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