im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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