I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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