i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
