I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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