I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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