im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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