I got chris browned last night
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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