I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
3 2 1 whiskey
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
