sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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