wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
