i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
