there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
