Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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