my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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