The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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