not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
