I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
