in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
