im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
