so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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