The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize