Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
