tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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