I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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