You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
