if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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