Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
