i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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