its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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