I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
