You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
