My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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