Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
