Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
