it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
