I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
