I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
