Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
