One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
