he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
