eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
