i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
