I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Can I color on your dick again?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
