Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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