they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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