A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Randomize
