Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
