I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I love you. Go after that dick
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
