If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
