It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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