I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
