I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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