I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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