Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
