Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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