careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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