you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
